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HAOM - October

Horses_ass_1.jpg
Well, it's that time of the month again, and anytime I think of "that time of the month," our HAOM winner for October comes to mind.  It is always that time of the month for her.
October is the month of witches, ghosts and goblins.  Very appropriate...she is all three.
She is about as calm and rational as the Glenn Close character in "Fatal Attraction," and about as attractive and pleasant to be around as another Glenn Close character first made famous in animated form.  That's why I will always think of her as the Cruella de Ville of blog posters.
A lot of folks think she is a heavy drinker, and that may be true, but give her a break folks. It must be difficult to swallow handfuls of valium without something to wash it down.  I'm sure there are others who enjoy a nice glass (or 16) of chianti for breakfast, too.
So maybe we've all been too hard on her.  After all, she's only human....
Naaaah!
So without further do do, it gives me great displeasure to even suffer the thought of our October HorsesAssoftheMonth for October 2009....
 
Val
 
Please be sure to congratulate it on your next encounter, but as always, do not tell it what for.
 
God bless.....
 
paddy 
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THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

 Two Different Versions! ................. Two Different Morals!

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, 
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and 
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
 
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
 

MODERN VERSION: 
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
 
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
 
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
 
CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable
home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
 
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
 
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody 
cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'
 
Acorn stages a demonstration in front of the ant 's house where the 
news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.'
 Rev. Jeremiah Wright then has the group kneel down to pray to God for 
the grasshopper's sake.
 
Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that 
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call 
for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
 
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act 
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
 
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green 
bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home 
is confiscated by the Government Green Czar..

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of 
the ants food while the government house he is in, which just happens 
to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't 
maintain it..
 
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
 
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the 
house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize 
the once peaceful neighborhood.

 
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.
 
God bless.....
 
paddy
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HOW TO CALL THE POLICE

WHEN YOU'RE OLD

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi,was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were  people in the shed stealing things. 

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" 
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. 

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available...." 

George said, "Okay." 

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. 

"Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing
 things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now" and he hung up. 

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team,a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up
 at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. 

One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" 
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"


(True Story) I LOVE IT!

Don't mess with old people.

 
God Bless....
 
paddy
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Public Prayer

Andy Rooney says: 
I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for
singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin , but I
didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his
Theory of Evolution. 
Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered
because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So
what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the
entire Book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and
asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans
going home from the game. 
But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue. 
Yes, and this is the United States of America , a country founded on
Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian
churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you
expect -- somebody chanting Hare Krishna? 
If I went to a football game in Jerusalem , I would expect to hear a
Jewish prayer... 
  
If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad , I would expect to hear a Muslim
prayer. 
If I went to a ping pong match in China , I would expect to hear someone
pray to Buddha. 
  
And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit. 
When in Rome ..... 
But what about the atheists? Is another argument. 
What about them? Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going
to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's
asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the
bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer! 
Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell
thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a
football game is going to shake the world's foundations. 
Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our
courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught
us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells
us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers
are telling us to cease praying. 
God, help us. And if that last sentence offends you, well, just sue me. 
The silent majority has been silent too long. It's time we tell that one
or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority doesn't
care what they want. It is time that the majority 
Rules! It's time we tell them, You don't have to pray; you don't have to
say the Pledge of Allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend
services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your
right; but by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We
are fighting back, and we WILL WIN! 
God bless us one and all ... Especially those who denounce Him , God
bless America , despite all her faults. She is still the greatest nation
of all. God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right
to pray and worship God.
 
Amen.  For once I agree with the old coot!
 
God bless.....
 
paddy


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A Presidential Platform


I  HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT IN THE YEAR 2012...  
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1).   Any use of the phrase:    'Press 1 for English'  is  immediately banned.    English  is  the official language;   speak it or wait outside of our borders until you can.

(2).   We will immediately go into a two year isolationist  attitude in order to straighten out the greedy big business posture in this country.    America will allow NO imports,  and we'll do no exports.     We will use the  
'
Wal-Mart 's policy,  'If  we  ain't got it,  you don't need it.'    We'll make it here and sell it here!

(3).. When imports are allowed,  there will be a 100% import tax on it coming in here.

(4)..   All retired military personnel will be required to man one of the many observation towers located on the southern border of the United States  (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on
 SOUTHBOUND
 aliens.

(5).    Social Security will immediately return to its original state.    If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out..   Neither the President nor any other politician will be able to touch it.


(6). Welfare.    --    Checks will be handed out on Fridays,  at the end of the 40 hour school week,  the successful completion of a urinalysis test for drugs,  and passing grades.

(7).   Professional  Athletes -- Steroids?    The FIRST time you check positive you're banned from sports ... for life.

(8).   Crime  -  We will adopt the Turkish method,  i.e..,  the  first  time you steal,  you lose your right hand.    There is no more  'life sentences'.    If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for the victim you killed:   gun,  knife, strangulation,  etc.

(9)..   One export of ours will be allowed:      wheat; because the world needs to eat.    However, a bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10).    All foreign aid,  using American taxpayer money, will immediately cease and the saved money will help to pay off the national debt and,  ultimately,  lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world,  we'll ask The American People if they want to donate to a disaster fund,  and each citizen can make the decision as to whether,  or not,  it's a worthy cause.

(11).   The Pledge of Allegiance  will  be said  every  day at  school and  every  day  in  Congress.

(12).   The National Anthem  will  be played at all appropriate ceremonies,  sporting events,  outings,  etc. 

My apology is offered if I've stepped on anyone's toes ..... nevertheless.......


GOD BLESS AMERICA.


Sincerely,

 

Bill Cosby

 

First correct answer gets a hearty atta boy from the padster.... no cheating.

 

God bless....

 

paddy

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Shifty

 
sgt darrell powers 506e jpgShifty Powers jpg
 
Reprinted from an email I received....
 
We're hearing a lot today about big splashy memorial services.  I want a nationwide memorial service for Darrell "Shifty" Powers.
 
Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry. If you've seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.
 
 I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn't know who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him that he was at the right gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle", the symbol of the 101st Airborne, on his hat.

 Making conversation, I asked him if he'd been in the 101st Airborne or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the 101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and was in until sometime in 1945 . . . " at which point my heart skipped. 

 At that point, again, very humbly, he said "I made the 5 training jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy . . . . do you know where Normandy is?" At this point my heart stopped.

 I told him yes, I know exactly where Normandy was, and I know what D-Day was. At that point he said "I also made a second jump into Holland , into Arnhem ." I was standing with a genuine war hero . . . . and then I realized that it was June, just after the anniversary of D-Day.

 I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from France , and he said "Yes. And it's real sad because these days so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of them can't make the trip." My heart was in my throat and I didn't know what to say.

I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in Coach, while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I'd take his in coach.

He said "No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are still some who remember what we did and still care is enough to make an old man very happy." His eyes were filling up as he said it. And mine are brimming up now as I write this.

 Shifty died on June 17 after fighting cancer.

There was no parade.

No big event in Staples Center .

 No wall to wall back to back 24x7 news coverage.

No weeping fans on television.

And that's not right.

Let's give Shifty his own Memorial Service, online, in our own quiet way. Please forward this email to everyone you know. Especially to the veterans.

Rest in peace, Shifty.

      "A nation without heroes is nothing."
 
Amen, and Godspeed....
 
paddy
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HAOM July

Horses_ass_1.jpg
Well, we haven't done one of these in a while, so what the heck.  I have gathered all of the HAOM committee members and heard their nominations and recommendations.  After an intense whittling down process, we have arrived at a winner (LOSER) for the month of July.
 
This months winner is sort of an inside out Oreo.....white on the outside and black on the inside.  She seems to revel in her linousine-liberal status, as she is endlessly prating about her gated community home ("near the governator"), and shopping trips to Neiman Marcus with her "black" friend. She has about as much sense as the picture above, and a far less attractive personality.
 
None of us at Townhall would be all that upset should she get run over by the manure truck, and in fact, may be led to say that there couldn't be a more appropriate method of demise...
 
Therefore, by the power vested in me by.....myself, I hereby pronounce the HorsesAssoftheMonth for July 2009.......Kaboom.
 
As always, please congratulate her profusely.....but do not tell her what for......
 
God bless......
 
paddy
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Blogger Profile

Our good friend Frank has been blogging (ranting) at Townhall for a couple years now, although he has not always gone by that name.  His doctors at Shady Acres suggested blogging after the shock treatments proved to be a dismal failure.
The fact that he can blog at all is a miracle in itself, as the shock, the lobotomy, and years of psilocybin abuse has left him with the mental capacity of a three year old......doberman.
Fortunately, Acorn came to the rescue and offered him a job.  They log on for him and put the cursor in the comment box and just let him go.  He is paid by the times he can work the word "racist" into a post, and last we heard, he is pulling down six figures.
Good on ya,' Frank.  It's always good to hear a heartwarming tale as it relates to the handicapped.
 
God bless....
 
paddy
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Lizards

White Salamander, aka Careful with that Axe, Eugene (shown, at right) receives the affections of his equally slimy boyfriend Frank on a recent weekend getaway. 
The pair, known for their ability to replicate HIV in numerous others of their ilk, share a rare mutative trait in being grotesque and nauseating to all other members of their own species.  This rare defect causes them to be summarily shunned by all members of their own race.
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Three New Navy Ships

  USS-Ronald-Reagan-027610_jpg.jpg
 
USS  REAGAN

 Seeing it next to the Arizona  Memorial really puts its size  
into  perspective...ENORMOUS!
When the Bridge pipes 'Man the  Rail' there is a lot of rail  
to man on this monster:  shoulder to shoulder, around 4.5  
acres. Her displacement is  about 100,000 tons with full  
complement.

 Capability

Top speed  exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors  
that can  operate for more than 20 years without refueling

 1. Expected to  operate in the fleet for about 50 years
 2. Carries  over 80 combat aircraft
 3. Three arresting cables can  stop a 28-ton aircraft going  
150 miles per hour in less  than 400 feet

 Size

 1.  Towers 20  stories above the waterline
 2.  1092 feet long; nearly as  long as the Empire State Building is tall
 3.   Flight deck covers 4.5 acres
 4.  4 bronze   propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing  66,200  pounds
 5.  2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet  and weighing 50 tons
 6.   4 high speed aircraft  elevators, each over 4,000 square feet

Capacity

 1. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel
 2. Carries enough food and  supplies to operate for 90 days
 3.  18,150 meals served  daily
 4.  Distillation plants  provide 400,000 gallons of fresh  
water from sea water  daily, enough for 2,000 homes
5.  Nearly 30,000 light  fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable  
and wiring 1,400  telephones
 6. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000  sheets
 7.   Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for  pier 
side operation
 8.  Costs the Navy approximately  $25 million per day for 
underway operations (Sailor's salaries  included).
 

 USS  BILL CLINTON

The USS William Jefferson Clinton  (CVS1) set sail today from 
its home port of  Vancouver, BC.

The ship is the first of its kind  in the Navy and is a  
standing legacy to President Bill  Clinton 'for his foresight  
in military budget cuts' and his  conduct while holding the  
(formerly dignified) office of  President.
The ship is constructed nearly  entirely from recycled 
aluminum and is completely solar  powered with a top speed of  
5 knots.
 It boasts an arsenal comprised of  one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat  
or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft  which, although they  
cannot be launched on the 100 foot  flight deck, form a very  
menacing presence.
As a  standing order there are no firearms allowed on  board.
 This crew, like the crew aboard the  USS Jimmy Carter, is  
specially trained to avoid conflicts  and appease any and all  
enemies of the United  States at all costs.
 An onboard Type One DNC  Universal Translator can send out 
messages of apology  in any language to anyone who may find 
America offensive.  The number of apologies are limitless and  
though some may  seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy  
advises all  apologies will sound very sincere.
 In  times of conflict, the USS Clinton has orders to  seek  
refuge in Canada .

 USS   BARACK  OBAMA

 Don't  ask.
This is not going to be  pretty.
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Oh, the humanity....!



hindenburg.jpg

1937
- A student of history, a broadcaster or anyone interested in news coverage, will remember this day and the words of NBC radio’s Herbert Morrison. “Oh, the humanity!” Morrison’s emotion-filled historic broadcast of the explosion of the dirigible, Hindenburg at Lakehurst, NJ, became the first recorded coast-to-coast broadcast as it was carried on both the NBC Red and NBC Blue networks from New York City.
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The Whole World....


...Needs A Leader Like This!
 

 Prime Minister Kevin Rudd - Australia

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks..


Separately,
Rudd angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: 'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. '

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'


'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'
 
Gotta love it!
God Bless....
paddy

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Just a...

.... profound short little paragraph.....

 

    "You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the  wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." 

 

~~~~~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931

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Where's the Outrage...?

     This letter was sent to the Wall Street Journal on August 8, 2008 by Alisa Wilson, Ph.D. Of Beverly Hills , CA . in response to the Wall Street Journal article titled "Where's The Outrage?" that appeared July 31,2008.  

Really. I can tell you where the outrage is. The outrage is here, in this middle-aged, well-educated, upper-middle class woman. The outrage is here, but I have no representation, no voice. The outrage is here, but no one is listening for who am I?  I am not a billionaire like George Soros that can fund an entire political movement. I am not a celebrity like Barbra Streisand that can garner the attention of the press to promote political candidates. I am not a film maker like Michael Moore or Al Gore that can deliver misleading movies to the public.  The outrage is here, but unlike those with money or power, I don't know how to reach those who feel similarly in order to effect change. 

Why am I outraged? I am outraged that my country, the United States of America , is in a state of moral and ethical decline. There is no right or wrong anymore, just what's fair.  Is it fair that millions of Americans who overreached and borrowed more than they could afford are now being bailed out by the government and lending institutions to stave off foreclosure? Why shouldn't these people be made to pay the consequences for their poor judgment?   When my husband and I purchased our home, we were careful to purchase only what we could afford. Believe me, there are much larger, much nicer homes that I would have loved to have purchased. But, taking responsibility for my behavior and my life, I went with the house that we could afford, not the house that we could not afford. The notion of personal responsibility has all but died in our country.  

I am outraged, that the country that welcomed my mother as an immigrant from Hitler's Nazi Germany and required that she and her family learn English now allows itself to be overrun with illegal immigrants and worse, caters to those illegal immigrants.  I am outraged that my hard-earned taxes help support those here illegally. That the Los Angeles Public School District is in such disarray that I felt it incumbent to send my child to private school, that every time I go to the ATM, I see "do you want to continue in English or Spanish?", that every time I call the bank, the phone company , or similar business, I hear "press 1 for English or press 2 for Spanish". WHY? This is America , our common language is English and attempts to promote a bi- or multi-lingual society are sure to fail and to marginalize those who cannot communicate in English.
   I am outraged at our country's weakness in the face of new threats on American traditions from Muslims. Just this week, Tyson's Food negotiated with its union to permit Muslims to have Eid-al-Fitr as a holiday instead of Labor Day. What am I missing? Yes, there is a large Somali Muslim population working at the Tyson's plant in Tennessee.  Tennessee , last I checked, is still part of the United States . If Muslims want to live and work here they should be required to live and work by our American Laws and not impose their will on our long history.  In the same week, Random House announced that they had indefinitely delayed the publication of The Jewel of Medina, by Sherry Jones, a book about the life of Mohammed's wife, Aisha due to fear of retribution and violence by Muslims. When did we become a nation ruled by fear of what other immigrant groups want? It makes me so sad to see large corporations cave rather than stand proudly on the principles that built this country.

   I am outraged because appeasement has never worked as a political policy, yet appeasing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is exactly what we are trying to do. An excellent article, also published recently in the Wall Street Journal, went through over 20 years of history and why talking with Iran has been and will continue to be ineffective. Yet talk, with a madman no less, we continue to do. Have we so lost our moral compass and its ability to detect evil that we will not go in and destroy Iran 's nuclear program? Would we rather wait for another Holocaust for the Jews - one which they would be unlikely to survive? When does it end?

   As if the battle for good and evil isn't enough, now come the Environmentalists who are so afraid of global warming that they want to put a Bag tax on grocery bags in California; to eliminate Mylar balloons; to establish something as insidious as the recycle police in San Francisco. I do my share for the environment: I recycle, I use water wisely, I installed an energy efficient air conditioning unit But when and where does the lunacy stop?Ahmadinejad wants to wipe Israel off the map, the California economy is being overrun by illegal immigrants, and the United States of America no longer knows right from wrong, good from evil.. So what does California do? Tax grocery bags.

   So, America , although I can tell you where the outrage is, this one middle-aged, well-educated, upper middle class woman is powerless to do anything about it. I don't even feel like my vote counts because I am so outnumbered by those who disagree with me.

     Alisa Wilson, Ph.D. Beverly Hills , California

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HAOM April

horses_ass.jpg
We are bringing back an old favorite this month:  The HorsesAssoftheMonth Award.  As old-timers here will remember, this is an award presented to the most irritating Townhall poster for that particular month (although we have gone outside the posting realm from time to time). 
 
Our panel is never short of nominations, and the tie-breaker remains the same:  first person to pisss off paddy on the day of the competition.
 
So with no further doo-doo (that's French), the winner of the HorsesAssoftheMonth Award for April is:
 
Vladimir Estrogen
 
As always, so as to drive him further crazy, please congratulate him on his award, but do not tell him which award. HAOM winners are blissfully ignorant people, and it is our job to see that they stay that way.
 
Congratulations, Vlad......you've earned it!
 
God bless.....
 
paddy
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