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Our good friend Frank has been blogging (ranting) at Townhall for a couple years now, although he has not always gone by that name.  His doctors at Shady Acres suggested blogging after the shock treatments proved to be a dismal failure.
The fact that he can blog at all is a miracle in itself, as the shock, the lobotomy, and years of psilocybin abuse has left him with the mental capacity of a three year old......doberman.
Fortunately, Acorn came to the rescue and offered him a job.  They log on for him and put the cursor in the comment box and just let him go.  He is paid by the times he can work the word "racist" into a post, and last we heard, he is pulling down six figures.
Good on ya,' Frank.  It's always good to hear a heartwarming tale as it relates to the handicapped.
 
God bless....
 
paddy
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Lizards

White Salamander, aka Careful with that Axe, Eugene (shown, at right) receives the affections of his equally slimy boyfriend Frank on a recent weekend getaway. 
The pair, known for their ability to replicate HIV in numerous others of their ilk, share a rare mutative trait in being grotesque and nauseating to all other members of their own species.  This rare defect causes them to be summarily shunned by all members of their own race.
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Three New Navy Ships

  USS-Ronald-Reagan-027610_jpg.jpg
 
USS  REAGAN

 Seeing it next to the Arizona  Memorial really puts its size  
into  perspective...ENORMOUS!
When the Bridge pipes 'Man the  Rail' there is a lot of rail  
to man on this monster:  shoulder to shoulder, around 4.5  
acres. Her displacement is  about 100,000 tons with full  
complement.

 Capability

Top speed  exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors  
that can  operate for more than 20 years without refueling

 1. Expected to  operate in the fleet for about 50 years
 2. Carries  over 80 combat aircraft
 3. Three arresting cables can  stop a 28-ton aircraft going  
150 miles per hour in less  than 400 feet

 Size

 1.  Towers 20  stories above the waterline
 2.  1092 feet long; nearly as  long as the Empire State Building is tall
 3.   Flight deck covers 4.5 acres
 4.  4 bronze   propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing  66,200  pounds
 5.  2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet  and weighing 50 tons
 6.   4 high speed aircraft  elevators, each over 4,000 square feet

Capacity

 1. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel
 2. Carries enough food and  supplies to operate for 90 days
 3.  18,150 meals served  daily
 4.  Distillation plants  provide 400,000 gallons of fresh  
water from sea water  daily, enough for 2,000 homes
5.  Nearly 30,000 light  fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable  
and wiring 1,400  telephones
 6. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000  sheets
 7.   Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for  pier 
side operation
 8.  Costs the Navy approximately  $25 million per day for 
underway operations (Sailor's salaries  included).
 

 USS  BILL CLINTON

The USS William Jefferson Clinton  (CVS1) set sail today from 
its home port of  Vancouver, BC.

The ship is the first of its kind  in the Navy and is a  
standing legacy to President Bill  Clinton 'for his foresight  
in military budget cuts' and his  conduct while holding the  
(formerly dignified) office of  President.
The ship is constructed nearly  entirely from recycled 
aluminum and is completely solar  powered with a top speed of  
5 knots.
 It boasts an arsenal comprised of  one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat  
or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft  which, although they  
cannot be launched on the 100 foot  flight deck, form a very  
menacing presence.
As a  standing order there are no firearms allowed on  board.
 This crew, like the crew aboard the  USS Jimmy Carter, is  
specially trained to avoid conflicts  and appease any and all  
enemies of the United  States at all costs.
 An onboard Type One DNC  Universal Translator can send out 
messages of apology  in any language to anyone who may find 
America offensive.  The number of apologies are limitless and  
though some may  seem hollow and disingenuous, the Navy  
advises all  apologies will sound very sincere.
 In  times of conflict, the USS Clinton has orders to  seek  
refuge in Canada .

 USS   BARACK  OBAMA

 Don't  ask.
This is not going to be  pretty.
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Oh, the humanity....!



hindenburg.jpg

1937
- A student of history, a broadcaster or anyone interested in news coverage, will remember this day and the words of NBC radio’s Herbert Morrison. “Oh, the humanity!” Morrison’s emotion-filled historic broadcast of the explosion of the dirigible, Hindenburg at Lakehurst, NJ, became the first recorded coast-to-coast broadcast as it was carried on both the NBC Red and NBC Blue networks from New York City.
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The Whole World....


...Needs A Leader Like This!
 

 Prime Minister Kevin Rudd - Australia

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks..


Separately,
Rudd angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques. Quote: 'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians. '

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society . Learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'


'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'
 
Gotta love it!
God Bless....
paddy

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Just a...

.... profound short little paragraph.....

 

    "You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the  wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." 

 

~~~~~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931

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Where's the Outrage...?

     This letter was sent to the Wall Street Journal on August 8, 2008 by Alisa Wilson, Ph.D. Of Beverly Hills , CA . in response to the Wall Street Journal article titled "Where's The Outrage?" that appeared July 31,2008.  

Really. I can tell you where the outrage is. The outrage is here, in this middle-aged, well-educated, upper-middle class woman. The outrage is here, but I have no representation, no voice. The outrage is here, but no one is listening for who am I?  I am not a billionaire like George Soros that can fund an entire political movement. I am not a celebrity like Barbra Streisand that can garner the attention of the press to promote political candidates. I am not a film maker like Michael Moore or Al Gore that can deliver misleading movies to the public.  The outrage is here, but unlike those with money or power, I don't know how to reach those who feel similarly in order to effect change. 

Why am I outraged? I am outraged that my country, the United States of America , is in a state of moral and ethical decline. There is no right or wrong anymore, just what's fair.  Is it fair that millions of Americans who overreached and borrowed more than they could afford are now being bailed out by the government and lending institutions to stave off foreclosure? Why shouldn't these people be made to pay the consequences for their poor judgment?   When my husband and I purchased our home, we were careful to purchase only what we could afford. Believe me, there are much larger, much nicer homes that I would have loved to have purchased. But, taking responsibility for my behavior and my life, I went with the house that we could afford, not the house that we could not afford. The notion of personal responsibility has all but died in our country.  

I am outraged, that the country that welcomed my mother as an immigrant from Hitler's Nazi Germany and required that she and her family learn English now allows itself to be overrun with illegal immigrants and worse, caters to those illegal immigrants.  I am outraged that my hard-earned taxes help support those here illegally. That the Los Angeles Public School District is in such disarray that I felt it incumbent to send my child to private school, that every time I go to the ATM, I see "do you want to continue in English or Spanish?", that every time I call the bank, the phone company , or similar business, I hear "press 1 for English or press 2 for Spanish". WHY? This is America , our common language is English and attempts to promote a bi- or multi-lingual society are sure to fail and to marginalize those who cannot communicate in English.
   I am outraged at our country's weakness in the face of new threats on American traditions from Muslims. Just this week, Tyson's Food negotiated with its union to permit Muslims to have Eid-al-Fitr as a holiday instead of Labor Day. What am I missing? Yes, there is a large Somali Muslim population working at the Tyson's plant in Tennessee.  Tennessee , last I checked, is still part of the United States . If Muslims want to live and work here they should be required to live and work by our American Laws and not impose their will on our long history.  In the same week, Random House announced that they had indefinitely delayed the publication of The Jewel of Medina, by Sherry Jones, a book about the life of Mohammed's wife, Aisha due to fear of retribution and violence by Muslims. When did we become a nation ruled by fear of what other immigrant groups want? It makes me so sad to see large corporations cave rather than stand proudly on the principles that built this country.

   I am outraged because appeasement has never worked as a political policy, yet appeasing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is exactly what we are trying to do. An excellent article, also published recently in the Wall Street Journal, went through over 20 years of history and why talking with Iran has been and will continue to be ineffective. Yet talk, with a madman no less, we continue to do. Have we so lost our moral compass and its ability to detect evil that we will not go in and destroy Iran 's nuclear program? Would we rather wait for another Holocaust for the Jews - one which they would be unlikely to survive? When does it end?

   As if the battle for good and evil isn't enough, now come the Environmentalists who are so afraid of global warming that they want to put a Bag tax on grocery bags in California; to eliminate Mylar balloons; to establish something as insidious as the recycle police in San Francisco. I do my share for the environment: I recycle, I use water wisely, I installed an energy efficient air conditioning unit But when and where does the lunacy stop?Ahmadinejad wants to wipe Israel off the map, the California economy is being overrun by illegal immigrants, and the United States of America no longer knows right from wrong, good from evil.. So what does California do? Tax grocery bags.

   So, America , although I can tell you where the outrage is, this one middle-aged, well-educated, upper middle class woman is powerless to do anything about it. I don't even feel like my vote counts because I am so outnumbered by those who disagree with me.

     Alisa Wilson, Ph.D. Beverly Hills , California

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HAOM April

horses_ass.jpg
We are bringing back an old favorite this month:  The HorsesAssoftheMonth Award.  As old-timers here will remember, this is an award presented to the most irritating Townhall poster for that particular month (although we have gone outside the posting realm from time to time). 
 
Our panel is never short of nominations, and the tie-breaker remains the same:  first person to pisss off paddy on the day of the competition.
 
So with no further doo-doo (that's French), the winner of the HorsesAssoftheMonth Award for April is:
 
Vladimir Estrogen
 
As always, so as to drive him further crazy, please congratulate him on his award, but do not tell him which award. HAOM winners are blissfully ignorant people, and it is our job to see that they stay that way.
 
Congratulations, Vlad......you've earned it!
 
God bless.....
 
paddy
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Wild Pigs

   A chemistry professor in a large college had some
exchange  students in the class. One day while the class
was in the lab the professor noticed one young man
(exchange student) who kept rubbing his back, and stretching
as if his back hurt.
       The professor asked the young man what was the
matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his
back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his
native country who were trying to overthrow his country's
government and install a new communist government.
      In the midst of his story he looked at theprofessor and
asked a strange question. He asked, 'Do you  know how to
catch wild pigs?'
    The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the
punchline. The young man said this was no joke. 'You catch
wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and
putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to
come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are use to
coming every day, you put a fence down one side
of the place where they are used to coming. When they get use
to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you
put up another side of the fence. They get use to that
and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four
sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs,
who are used to the free corn, start to come through the
gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the
whole herd.
       Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom.
They run around and around inside the fence, but they are
caught.
    Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They
are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in
the woods.  The young man then told the professor that is
exactly what he sees happening to America . The government
keeps pushing us toward socialism and keeps spreading the free
corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental
income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy
subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare,
medicine, drugs, etc.. While we continually lose our freedoms --
just a little at a time.
    One should always remember: There is no such
thing as a free lunch! Also, a politician will never provide a
service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.
    Also, if you see that all of this wonderful government
'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in
America , you might want to send this on to your friends. If
you think the free ride is essential to your way of life
then you will probably delete this email, butGod help you
when the gate slams shut!
    A government big enough to give you
everything you want, is big enough to take away everything you
have.
Thomas Jefferson
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Yo ho ho....

Time for a new thread.
 
What better post when you need a post than hearty congratulations to the U.S. Navy and specifically the Seals for the spectacular rescue of Capt. Phillips yesterday. 
 
I happen to own a rifle which is capable of hitting someone in the left eye at 1000 yards, but I can't even imagine making a shot like that from the deck of a ship at sea.  Multply that times three, and you know we've got some serious shooters in our Navy.  Add to that the fact that the captain was in imminenet danger and they become three pressure shots.
 
To update a phrase....three shots...three kills.  I saw a t-shirt at the last gun show I went to that said," I am a sniper.  You can run, but you'll just die tired."  Love it!
 
A few dead pirates sends a loud message, and you can tell the message hit home by the sound of squealing coming from Somalia....
Let's see if they try THAT again....
 
God bless....
 
paddy
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Take me out to the ballgame.....

seo-ballgame.jpg
Q.:  What is the sweetest sound known to man?
 
A.: No contest.  The crack of the bat!
 
Yes, I know...baby's cry, ocean waves, V8 engine, Sinatra, Led Zeppelin, horse winnie.....all exceptional.
 
But the crack of the bat is the greatest sound of them all....a truly American sound.  To paraphrase Terence Mann in "Field of Dreams," America has been built, erased, and rebuilt again and again....but "baseball has marked the time."  It's still 90 feet to first base and 60 ft. six inches from pitching rubber to home plate; The grass is still green and a home run still changes everything.
 
Today is Opening Day.  Everybody is in first place...just for a day.  Grab a hot dog, some peanuts, and head for the park or pull up a chair in front of the TV.  This is a quintessential American holiday. 
 
God help me I do love it so.....!
 
God bless....
 
paddy
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Grandma's Letter


granny gun-thumb.jpg
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car..
She writes:

Dear Paddy,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly
sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir
performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that
the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
For the love of God! '
Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started
waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
Saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out
laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience !! A couple of the
people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of
their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on
through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to
leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful Christian people!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma
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A St. Paddy's Recipe

green beer.jpg
 
I provide the following recipe as a public service:
 
Ingredients:
 
One twelve ounce bottle of beer, any variety
One drop - green food coloring, any variety
 
Instructions:
 
Empty the contents of the bottle of beer into a mug or glass
Introduce the drop of green food coloring into the mug or glass
Gently stir
 
Serves one
Repeat as necessary
 
 
God bless....
paddy
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The Constitution according to paddy


"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other Liberal bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."

ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but No one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is Based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; But the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve...get an education and go to work .. don't expect everyone else to take care of you!)

ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE X:
This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English! is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (lastly....)

ARTICLE XI:
You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!!

 
Hat tip to State Rep. Mitchell Aye of Georgia
 
God bless....
 
paddy
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Well....it's a day late.....

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...but February 22 marks the one year anniversary of Paddy's Pad.  Time flies, no...?
 
In some ways, it seems like yesterday; in others, it seems as if this place has always been here.  We have lost some charter members along the way....and they are missed.....but some were unable to grasp the concept of this little on-line lounge:  a place to get away from the strife, kick your shoes off, fire up a cheroot, crack open a cold one and relax with friends.
 
We have picked up a few new friends along the way, and they have filled in for departed comrades nicely.
 
I still find great amusement in the fact that the people in who's company I most desire to be are in Ohio and Florida and Arizona and Colorado and assorted other locations around the country.  In SoCal, I am surrounded by the dreaded "other."
 
Neo, Keith, Vpat, Clarity, Seehawk, Marystella, Col. Guano (apologies to those I may have missed), you are the charter members....the ones who remember the faulty first steps and feeble attempts to remain under the radar.  We still could use some more of the company of Scarlet, Dusty and the dearly missed One Hot Minute.
 
I want to say thank you all for sticking with this post even through some very thin times.  Things have changed since November, and this post has changed too....but I know we will all find our way back to the full-time strength in unity we had before the country decided to turn itself into a 19th century anacronism.
 
By the way, I have created a bumper sticker.  It will be interesting to see if it catches on.  It says simply:   Change it back
 
Thanks to you all, and God bless.....
 
paddy
 
 
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